Absolutely the Dumbest Shoplifter Ever... Ever

This little anecdote also comes from the store I worked for where I caught the wanted murderer. We've all encountered dumb shoplifters. I mean, take-the-cake stupid. I once had a girl conceal $250 worth of clothing, tags, hangers, and all, into a backpack in the middle of a main aisle in the most shopped department in the store. Even she doesn't hold a candle to this guy I'm about to tell you about.

Some of the surrounding stores had been reporting losses in dietary aides (Alli, Hydroxicut, etc.) in rather large quantities. One of the stores had been able to identify the subject by reviewing video and had sent photos out to the other stores. The night before this incident, I had installed a covert camera directly above the products this guy was known to target. The next day, at around 4:30 pm, I noticed a gentleman standing directly below my camera. On previous occasions, the subject had never worn a ball cap, but today, the guy standing below my camera was wearing a hat making it impossible for me to identify the subject with the camera shot. I had to hit the floor.

I'll interrupt the story telling for a minute for a little side note. We've all been busted or "burned" by the people we were watching a time or two. No one that's been in loss prevention for more than a year can tell me they've never been burned by someone. It happens to the best of us, but the truly great among us will find the most interesting and creative ways to take the "burn" situation and turn it to their advantage. I was neither great, nor very good at this point in my career, but the stupidity of this subject definitely worked to my advantage... read on.

When I reached the health and beauty aisle where the subject had been, I couldn't find him. Thinking that he had already made his selections and was on his way out the door, I became slightly frantic. How cool would it be for me to be the one that catches this guy? So as I'm almost running from aisle to aisle looking for this dude, I damn near run directly into him. He gives me this stunned look and I reciprocate. It takes me all of a millisecond to realize that this was definitely the right guy. And in his hands were 8 bottles of Alli. My mind was racing a mile a minute. I wanted to salvage the situation, but had sort of already resigned myself to the fact that this was going to turn into a merchandise recovery at best and the guy was going to get away from me. I thought I was hopelessly busted. The only thing I had working to my advantage was the way in which I was dressed. I'm a rather clean cut white guy. At the time I was still in the military and usually kept my face clean shaven and my hair in a high-and-tight. Working where I worked, I had to balance the clean cut persona with a particular style of dress. My face and hair screamed "cop" but my clothing and exposed tattoos screamed "thug." The below conversation is not a word-for-word exact quote of what was said. There was a lot of street talk and "industry lingo" most of which I didn't even understand, but to keep things simple and easy to understand, I've simplified it a little.

-"Dude, why you watching me?" said the subject
-"What the fuck you talking about man? Why you watching me?"

He didn't respond right away, but rather just stared at me sizing me up and down. I had to either act quick to dispel any suspicions, or just come clean and get the guy out of the store. I chose to do the first.

-"Man, yeah, I was watching you. I was hoping you'd fuck up and get caught so I can do what I gotta do," I said.

-"Well fuck that, I ain't getting caught and neither are you. Fuck this place. I've done this shit so many times and ain't never got caught. You do what you gotta do, I'll do what I gotta do. Meet me by my car when you get outside, I parked across the street- silver Tahoe. I got some shit for you to see."

I absolutely could not believe that this guy bought my act. My mind was still racing a mile a minute. I called a friend of mine who was a detective for the local police department and told him what I had going on. I told him that a known "booster" was in the store and I had sold myself as another booster. I told him that the guy was getting ready to boost close to $500 in dietary aides and that he wanted to show me something in his car- most likely more stolen products. The company I worked for labeled their products in such a way that when law enforcement did raids or stings, our product could be easily identified among the others. Within about 3o seconds we had an impromptu sting set up and ready to go. I was told to be safe and that I didn't have to participate. I stated I wanted nothing more than to bust this guy. I was told that a team would be there within 5 minutes and that detective would text me when they were set up. He told me that I would be under close surveillance the moment I stepped out of the store and that when I got to the car, if I felt I was in danger to just take my ball cap off and they would come in. He told me that if I observed stolen product in the car, I should turn my ball cap backward and they would also come in. The ball cap was the key and I hoped I didn't screw it up.

The entire time, I kept the subject under surveillance. I observed him conceal the pills. I was orchestrating everything from behind the scenes. I told the uniformed security people to leave him alone and to stay away. Any time an employee got close to him, I'd radio someone to move them away. I was making this way too easy for him. I was taking a big chance because in order for the sting to work, I had to let the guy exit the building and get to his car. There was nothing keeping him from waiting for me. I could only hope that if the guy took off, the police would cooperate in assisting me with a smaller bust when they were geared up and ready to go for something much bigger.

The subject left the store with a big smile on his face. About 10 seconds later I received the text from the detective that they were ready to go. I had no idea how many people he brought or what was about happen. I was working alone that day and the uniformed security company was a private company that was not allowed to utilize our camera system. I briefly touched base with the store manager and informed him of what I was getting involved in. I asked that he take over the cameras and get as much of this thing recorded as possible. I also told him I'd be "stealing" several products to make it all look good. I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door. The guy was sitting in his car and joyfully hopped out when he saw me coming. He asked to see what I got and I showed him. He gave me a "fist-bump" and got to small talking. He told me he did this "just to do it" (it was later learned that he had a major coke and heroin problem that he stole to support.) Then his eyes got real glassy and he got real serious and he said, "man let me show you this shit. I been busy."

We went to his trunk and when it opened, I was so amazed I almost forgot to turn my hat. In it, he had about six cardboard boxes just completely full of every weight loss product and dietary aide on the market. 8 large bottles of Alli are worth about $500. He had much much more than that. I stood there in amazement and then slowly turned my hat. Before I even had it completely backwards, you could hear the horns, sirens, and tires squealing. This guy couldn't wrap his head around what was happening. How did some random booster he ran into in the store turn into him getting busted? The cops piled out of their cars, probably 9 or 10 of them, and ordered us both to the ground at gun point. I was told this would happen just to make it look good. We both got handcuffed and placed in the back of separate cruisers. Within an hour, the car had been searched and inventoried. The suspect was taken to jail. And I was in the office making a shit load of phone calls and doing an endless amount of paper work. In total, half of the guy's stash belonged to my company. The other half was from various other retailers and drug stores. The total of recovered merchandise from my company was just over $9,000.

The guy wound up cutting a deal with authorities. In exchange for a lighter sentence and rehab, the guy gave up the guy who bought his product, and the person he bought his drugs from. Within the week, they were both in jail as well.

What a dumbass.